she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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