You're so nebulous sometimes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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