just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
