We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
