I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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