I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
