Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
