Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
