My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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