guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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