He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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