I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this is an emotional support booty call
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
