She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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