you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
