Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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