just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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