so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
