Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
