I'm gonna have a badass scar
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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