i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
