She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Two words: nipple clamps
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