The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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