Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And then he peed in my hair
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