You don't have asthma, your pregnant
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
