Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
