I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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