Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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