Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
