And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
