my vag is so smooth its legendary
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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