life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
