So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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