i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
