Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
