My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
