shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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