I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
