sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bring me that man meat
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
