Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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