I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
