i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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