So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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