I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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