just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
