Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
God I need to hump something, right now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
