the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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