woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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