We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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