you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
