I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
