I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
