I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
