Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
