I'm so fucking centered right now
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
