well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
