Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
